Wednesday, November 28th, 2007:

No matter what I did or where I looked, I could not find the source of that infernal beeping. I was almost in a state of panic and shear hysteria. I was at a point where I felt my only recourse was to pray for some benevolent cosmic force to exert its will, and end this insidious noise that has chosen me as its unrelenting target for harassment. And just when the noise seemed to reach the peak of its slow and painful crescendo, it finally occurred to me...this is nothing more than a dream. My right eye cautiously opened to the greenish tinted numbers of a clock-radio extolling the virtues of early to bed and early to rise. My hands fumbled around carelessly in the dark until I was able to hit the right combination of buttons to vanquish the alarm. Looking back, I don't think this clockradio realizes how close it came to an expedient and not so painless death on this very morn. It is now Sunday, five AM in the morning. Only a few hours ago I was playing at the Cyber Cafe...or was I? The ringing in my ears would be a solid indicator that I did in fact play a gig on the previous evening. So as I turn on the small lamp atop my nightstand, I sat on the edge of the bed (with my head in my hands) trying to recollect the events of the previous evening. It's funny because it actually put an old Leonard Cohen song into perspective for me..."I stumbled outta bed and got ready for the struggle, I smoked a cigarette, and I tightened up my gut...I said this can't be me, must be my double." It just seemed very fitting at the time as I lit up my first cigarette of the day. I had to get up, get ready, and make the three hour trip down to the Meadowlands for the Giants/Minnesota game.

Saturday November 23, marked the third time Fetish Lane has played Binghamton's own Cyber Cafe. The circumstances surrounding the gig however were entirely new this time around. This was one of the very first gigs Kurt had booked and promoted for us. It also developed into a benefit where a portion of the "door" would go to 'CHOW' (the Community Hunger Outreach Warehouse). And finally, this was the first gig we had played at the Cyber as a six-piece. This would be Brian's first trip to this venue. All these things seemed to swirl around in my head when I walked out the door on my way to the gig that evening.

We all arrived relatively early at the gig considering there wasn't the normal amount of equipment set up (with the Cyber already having a good PA system on hand). We would be bringing our new recorder down this evening to tape the show, but this was by no means a big deal as far as that stuff goes. I arrived around 6:30 (fully expecting to be the first person there), only to discover that I was the fifth member to walk in the back stage entrance. Even Pinecone (who was helping with sound) and Ken had arrived before me. Ken is the guy we tell times that are an hour ahead of the actual time to ensure his punctuality. Kenneth is not exactly known for being timely. In retrospect, I probably could've been any where between 45 minutes to an hour later, having to wait for Brian (and then Izzy) to position and set up their individual walls of sound. I never complain outwardly of this knowing that the amount of personal equipment that travels with me to any given show is significantly smaller than that of either of those two. They can keep their myriad of drums, amps, and stringed instruments as far as I am concerned. I try to strictly adhere to the "KISS" method...Keep It Simple Stupid. So far it seems to be working for me.

We finally got set up and sound checked. We had played Friday night at 6 on the Square in Oxford. In retrospect it was a good show, but I didn't really feel like we had played our best. Things just seemed slightly sloppy to me at times (at least in my mind). Maybe it wasn't even sloppy...just slightly "loose." The crowd was very attentive and enthusiastic. I guess I felt like we were shaking off the "rust" a little bit. I think we tend to play better as a unit when we play steadily each and every week. Starts and stops probably could've been a little tighter as well. I began to run through my mental check list of songs we had played the previous evening, and improvements that could be made in hopes of averting a bad or mediocre performance this evening. Do we play some of the tunes we played the previous evening that were a little ruff? Maybe its best to get right back up on the horse and try them again. I knew we would be playing for a pretty good sized audience tonight of both newbies and longtime fans, and nothing could be left up to chance. Everything must be perfect!!! Sometimes I worry that we will be kind of "flat" playing two consecutive nights. I suppose I worry about these things because I believe that the crowd should get your best every time out. Maybe in the greater scheme of things, this is a little unrealistic...I don’t know. But in my mind, it shouldn't matter if you are playing in front of five, or five thousand. People who are paying to see you play are counting on you to give them a show. They are relying on you to entertain them. They need you to temporarily take them away from the monotony of their everyday life (much as we who play also rely on playing to do the same sort of thing for us). I suppose this is always one of my greatest pre-show concerns...ensuring that the audience is entertained. Ironically enough, this is also one of music's biggest contradictions for me. Ultimately, I play for myself. In order to truly entertain a crowd, I discovered that I must first entertain myself.

Sometimes I think musicians are their own worst critics. By all rights, Friday was a great show. There was good energy flowing throughout the room. There were a lot of old friends that made the trip over to support us. And deep down inside...I know this we played well (although it takes Kurt to tell me this one hundred times before I freely admit to this fact...(thanks Kurt)!!! I tend to be overcritical of small mistakes at times. I never...at any point in my life...have ever considered myself to be a perfectionist until recently. At times, the smallest of idiosyncrasies in a performance can send my mind into uncharted territories. The true neurotic tendencies (hidden away by my humble exterior), can float straight to the top for the entire world to see. I think of these things as being every bit as ugly as feelings of hate, jealousy, and anger...because it makes one act out of character. Self-doubt is an ugly thing that can erode ones self confidence, and inhibits true creativity. I don't even know if a non-musician can notice a lot of these things I speak about while playing, but these are things that go through the mind of many of us as we play at times. I guess one has to keep in mind that musical moments are just that...moments. They are here in a flash, and then gone just as quickly as they arrived. So...these petty thoughts invaded and occupied my tiny mind until the first notes of "Bury Me in the Ground" shook the walls of the old building that houses the Cyber. Then these thoughts ceased to exist in my world. No sooner than the music started, tables and chairs parted to reveal a make-shift dance floor. I believe this may have been the best gig Fetish Lane has played with its current line up. And that's how my night went. I don't know why these things creep into my mind. Maybe I forget that I am supposed to be having a good time until it actually gets here. Maybe I forget that it's just a matter of time before I look down and see Dave and Frank laughing and talking about the last gathering on Rooney Mountain... or Royce and Lynne two-stepping in tandem across the dance floor. Or maybe it just takes seeing those pretty little girls dancing to "Circles" in front of the stage to remind me how much I enjoy doing this. God I love playing in a band. And this is what I reminded myself of constantly as I was in a car driving to the Meadowlands by 7 AM (on only one hour of sleep). Well... that and Mosh reminding me that we are on the way to go see big blue!!!

Fetish Lane is an American Roots Music Band. Members include Ken Held, Israel Lorimer, Ed Gliha, John Edick, Darrin Trass and Brian O'Connell.

Photography featured on this website was done in large part by friends, fans and family of the band including, but not limited to the following folks: Nikki Bisaha, Sarah Lewis, Aliscia Gaucher, Stacie Edick, Noelle Dasilva, and Johann Cash.

Website design and construction by: Thirsty Fish Graphic Design and Fetish Lane.