Wednesday, September 12th, 2007:
Lately I feel like I've been finding my stride playing music. Although I must confess that my "stride" is probably a little bit different than that of most people. When I use the word stride, I am generally referring to being in a place where I am comfortable. I am absolutely driven to play music. It has become this weird degree of craziness inside of me. It is literally a force that moves me to do what I do. I can't help myself. I feel like music possesses addictive qualities greater than that of any narcotic, alcohol, or cigarette known to man. I relate to playing music as if it were the mysterious force of gravity, keeping me from being spun right off the face of the Earth. If there was a clinic available for obsessive compulsive musicians, I have to confess that I would probably be committed as a permanent resident. Music has become an all encompassing presence in my everyday life. Music has become my one true passion in life.

It's kind of funny because it literally consumes my identity at times. The once extremely competitive fire that burned inside of me as a younger man has been replaced with an even more powerful urge to create music. In my mind, it has become the ultimate quest in self-expression. It has become an opportunity to regurgitate the silly little things that float around in my brain in a manner that no one has previously. Realistically, others have probably expressed those same exact thoughts or feelings countless times, but it is still an opportunity to speak out. It allows me to vent. It has become the ultimate form of self-expression for a guy who is relegated to typing forty hours a week in a cubicle, in a place where individuality is not considered a virtue. At this stage in my life, I have come to describe it as the last real frontier in my own little personal universe. And the simple beauty with this musical form of free speech is that one can never be truly wrong when doing this. Like an opinion...it is neither right nor wrong...only an opinion. One feels the way they feel right? This of course is in stark contrast with a fact being a matter of truth or reality (which one can not argue). Then again, maybe this epiphany is a fact to me, and me alone...with it merely appearing as an opinion to others? All I can really attest to is the fact that it dominates my mind set on a daily basis!!!

In my mind, I've recently liked my self to a "method actor" like Robert Deniro. To truly play the part, one must be the part. You have to eat, sleep, and breathe the part. You must totally immerse yourself as much as humanly possible (of course without driving those closest to you crazy). One must live it...only then can they truly gain insight as to how that person really lived. Only then can they begin to understand what it may have been like to walk in their shoes. I confess that at this point in my life, I cannot completely devote myself physically...but mentally I'm there. I am probably there more than I should be. It seems to be the only thing I think of at times. But as most aspiring "professionals" will tell you...you still need to pay the bills! "Day jobs" are a necessary evil of the business for many of us. Until we are followed by the masses, alternative means of support are necessary. So...the commitment is there as much as humanly possible in my case.

As natural as it may seem, playing music is not always easy. Over the years, I have learned that there is much more to playing than actually just playing. It is not always fun and games. It is hard work. It takes excessive amounts of time, preparation, and dedication. But this is where I am at. I enjoy playing music, entertaining, traveling, meeting new people, and the camaraderie between myself and my band mates. And anymore, I don't even feel like I have a choice in the matter. I am what I am...and that is a musician. I am a bass player, song writer, and vocalist in the band Fetish Lane. It is almost as if some cosmic force or omnipotent being plucked my chess piece from a random black square (on the chess board I call the universe), placed me with five other pieces and said..."Here you go, capture the queen. Make music...and don’t stop until I tell you to stop!!!" And who am I to argue with this voice? There are some people in my life that don't fully understand this devotion to something that they think will not ever amount to anything more than a Saturday night boys club. They want to know why does this have to be anymore than what it is now? They seem to think it is a ploy to chew up their Saturday nights with little or no regard for their thoughts or feelings. And my answer to this question is I really don't know other than the fact that it has become a compulsion. As silly as it sounds, why did Columbus feel the need to sail across an ocean into the unknown, at the risk of falling off the edge of the world? They want to know what my "agenda" is? Well, the only thing I can say in response to these questions is to be happy...and in turn, hopefully make others happy along the way (if at all possible)!!! That is my agenda. There is no hidden pretext. It is simply to be happy, doing the thing that I love...playing music.

Fetish Lane is an American Roots Music Band. Members include Ken Held, Israel Lorimer, Ed Gliha, John Edick, Darrin Trass and Brian O'Connell.

Photography featured on this website was done in large part by friends, fans and family of the band including, but not limited to the following folks: Nikki Bisaha, Sarah Lewis, Aliscia Gaucher, Stacie Edick, Noelle Dasilva, and Johann Cash.

Website design and construction by: Thirsty Fish Graphic Design and Fetish Lane.